To the angel that changed my world irreversibly,

When I first heard of the show, Supernatural, I had little interest. Years later I saw a few scenes during the end of season 5 but the mention of angels turned me away entirely. It was only by chance that I bothered to watch the start of season 5 after we had the DVDs, and more chance that I stuck with it even though God was mentioned right in the second episode. Ironically, it was War -just the inclusion of the horsemen- that made me stick with the season.

But then I got to know you during your fall. The whole week it took me to watch the season.

You with your failure of a father. All alone in a world of people who could never understand you. Even your lack of cultural understanding, especially the casual references Dean loves to make. They all reminded me of myself and I quickly found myself attached to a being I’d once hated the thought of.

You turned my world completely upside down. Now angels are just as real for me as everything else (though the majority really are more trouble than they’re worth.) I’ve even found myself contemplating (possibly even communing with) a god I once rejected entirely. It’s alarming how easily I shifted my reality to find a place for you and the “family” you bring with you.

I’d have to be stupid not to realize it’s a total crush. (And a total idiot if I didn’t realize just how dumb that is.) But that’s the truth. I was crushing on an angel.

Was, because, as we’ve seen, you’ve now taken on the power of a god. At first I couldn’t accept it. The thought of accepting that any sort of God could actually exist was something I never planned nor wanted to deal with, so I didn’t.

And yet, in not dealing I found myself come to accept it. A half-hearted prayer here. A word of thanks for good fortune there.

Whatever road your future holds I wish you all the wisdom necessary to survive it and become better for the journey. Most of all I wish to see you back. Secretly I pray the return is to your old self, but I can be perfectly content with you as the new God. (Just so long as you lose the new attitude.)

Sincerely,
a secret fan who hated angels one year ago.
Kyrie (Eleison, Christe Eleison)